Styleslut guide to 'being creative'.

Wow. London's a pretty happening place. You can't even go to the toilet without tripping over a promoter/designer/artist/photographer/celebrity squatter/hipster blogger/dj/scene-whore of some such. If you want to get girls/guys, bag lots of free coke and get into clubs for free, your best bet is to get a title with some kind of meaning behind it.

Club Photographer: So you're at the hippest party in town, trying to convince some coked up girls to come to your house to look at the pieces from your 'polaroid project' - the last thing you want is some douchebag shoving his big black camera in your face, right? To add insult to injury, in the 3 minutes that it took you to pull your goofy and ever so ironic pose, he'd already bagged the two girls that you wanted to bang and was at the bar discussing how easily his lens could zoom into their vaginas.

Hipster Blogger: Do you like obscure bands and have a fetish for exclusive kicks? Do you go to lots of parties and sell drugs to most of the dj's? Well, it's time to start writing about what you do everyday, because there are at least 60 people that will regularly log onto your site and tell the assistant editors of every style and music magazine in London to do a feature on you. If you see a girl that you want to sleep with, just write a blog about her and e-mail her the link. The ones that don't think you're a stalker will fuck you because your 'witty writing' makes her feel like she's 'being DP'd by a thesaurus and a spellchecker whilst simultaneously giving head to John Keates.'

Designer: That's a pretty cool name for your 'label' hun, but you're only gonna sell it through your myspace? Riiiight. It's great having all your 'celeb' friends wearing you 'myspace only' collection, but it seems like you spent more time on your launch party, than your actual designs. Don't worry though, the quarter page feature you got in POP magazine means that you'll be on the guest list for ever 'sick party' for next 9 months, or so. When people get bored of your one design, you can just suck the dick of whichever big name celeb is in town that week. Watch your sales explode when you put up the pic of him wearing your shit on your myspace page.

Scene Queen/King: You were never good at drawing and writing's not really your forte, but boy do you know how to party. You also know how to look 'fabulous', be friendly with everyone and seem to have an endless supply of pills. Your picture's in Super Super and the 'do' section of Vice every other month and people want to do parties with you even though you're not a promoter. If you weren't riddled with STD's, we'd be under you right now, begging you to drip candle wax on our chest while your buddy takes pictures of us for his 'conceptual art' piece.

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Oh and by the way, do you like acts like New Young Pony Club, Four Tet, These New Puritans, Holy Fuck and Micachu? You do? Well, that's just swell, because they'll all be playing at this years Loop Festival in Brighton on Saturday, alongside like a zillion other acts. Styleslut is hosting the official after-party, with some cool people like Sway, Modular Djs, New Young Pony Club Djs, No Pain In Pop, Skull Juice and Casper C. You can buy cheap tickets for the night by clicking this. (www.ticketweb.co.uk/user/) Isn't life great?

Words:Styleslut

Written by:
charlie

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